Tales of a Challenging Eater (My Son)

Happy Birthday to my sweet son, Evan, who turns 5 today!

As a practicing pediatric and family dietitian, many people have this picture of my children being perfect little eaters.  Here I am as the “Mrs. Cleaver” role getting a well-balanced dinner on the table with the kids eager to dig into the wholesome goodness that was prepared with lots of love.  Floral apron on.  Kids smiling and waiting for their colorful plates to be served.  Kids digging in and eating a variety of flavors.  Nope.  Not exactly my reality.

I truly believe that the good Lord has used my son, Evan’s eating habits to further increase my empathy for my patient families with challenging eaters.  I have blogged about him before, although I don’t know how much I detailed his apprehensions with food.  Evan has been much different than my daughter, Hannah, right from the beginning.  He is one of those kids that really challenge the repeated exposure rule on food acceptance.  His food preferences are milk, yogurt, cheese, bread/bagels and fruit.   I hear you, parents.  I do everything that is recommended and yet my son has been slow to progress.   

But there is good news!   Now that Evan is getting older, he is listening more about the positive effects of eating “super power” food.  You see, he started a new soccer team and he really wants to run fast, kick harder and well, score goals.  I explained to him that eating the same foods over and over won’t give him the power he needs on the soccer field.  In the last 6 months, he has started eating new foods that he had shunned for so long including salmon, salads and broccoli.  He even told me the other day that he wants to eat a big bowl of broccoli before he plays his soccer game so he can make sure he plays well.  No kidding!  I said, “Sure!  I can make that happen.”  As kids get older, their reasoning part of their brain also develops a bit more so it is important to keep a dialogue going with them.

So, let’s list just some key behaviors in feeding your little people that will set them up to be good eaters for a lifetime:

·         Serve a variety of foods and keep healthy food such as whole grains, fresh fruits, veggies, low-fat dairy and lean meats easily accessible at all times.

·         Eat as a family as often as possible.  Eliminate distractions and serve one meal.  Avoid short order cooking or serving their favorite foods over and over!

·     Serve your children what you are eating even if you think they will reject it.  Avoid thinking of certain foods as “kid’s food.”  This is so important.  Repeated exposure of a rejected food is key to promoting eventual acceptance of that food.

·       Avoid making blanket statements like, “My child doesn’t like (insert rejected food).”  Verbalizations can solidify those rejections longer than usual.  Instead, keep an open mind that your child may eventually like that particular food.

·       Discuss the positive aspects of eating healthy foods instead of talking about the negative aspects of less healthy foods.  Kids want to hear the “why” behind healthy eating.  They want to know that healthy foods will keep them from getting a cold, will help their runny nose or even help them run faster or jump further.  They respond to knowing how eating healthy will help them accomplish the goals that are important to them right now.

·       Create non-eating scenarios with food like visiting a pick-your-own food farm or taking a cooking class so your children can be more comfortable around food.

·       Last, but certainly not least.  Your child’s only responsibility at a meal is to eat or not eat.  It is your responsibility to make the healthy meal and eliminate the distractions for a pleasant eating scenario.  If your child does not like what you fix, that’s ok!  They do not have to eat.  Get it?  It’s that easy.  I promise - they won’t starve.  (But keep that plate just in case they get hungry - later because they will try and get their preferred snack afterward!)

I have not only found in my practice that all these things work, I have found it to work in my own home.  Consistency will eventually yield results.  So, take the pressure off yourself and your children.  Your kids will come around if you provide them a healthy feeding environment. 

End Mealtime Struggles with Children

Are you the parent of a picky eater? If so, you know how stressful mealtimes can be. I counsel many parents that are up to their eyeballs at getting their children to eat balanced and have ample variety. Having young children of my own, I have had to deal with the challenges and opportunities of modeling good eating behaviors.

There are several things that we need to remember about children when it comes to eating. The first thing is that research shows that children need to be exposed to some foods 15-20 or even more times before they find them acceptable. Where parents go wrong often times is that they see their child rejects certain foods while preferring others. They take that information and create future meals with the preferred foods only. Why? I believe much of the reason is our innate drive to nourish our children and wanting them to eat. The problem is that we will do this over and over again until one day you find that your child only likes 7-10 foods. Hence, he/she is now the "picky eater." Instead, what we should do is to make a family meal that includes a variety of food - including some of your child's favorite foods - and serve all those foods on each plate. Even though you know your child might reject some food items, that is OK.

The other thing we need to remember is that children are extremely good at eating when they are hungry and not eating when they are not. In general, they do not eat according to any clock or time schedule. You'll notice that a normal child's eating pattern usually involves waves of high hunger - i.e., eating a lot at meals - to waves of low hunger where they don't eat much at all. These waves can last several days. This is very normal. Again, with our desire to nourish our children in the back of our minds, we get concerned because they are not eating as much as we think they should eat. So, we might do things such as make separate meals for them that includes all their favorite foods or we might force them to eat. Some even force them to eat the "good for you" foods such as vegetables. All these actions come from a very good place, but they are not recommended.

We need to get back to the basics. Include a variety of foods in your home with emphasis on lean meats, whole grains, fresh produce, healthy fats and low-fat dairy. Eat as many family meals as possible with the absence of distractions and controversial conversation. Fix one meal for all and get back to allowing your children 2 choices of drinks - milk or water. I love Ellyn Satter's very easy-to-understand Responsibilities in Feeding:

- Parents are responsible for what, when and where of the feeding
- Children are responsible for how much or whether to eat

I was taught this information in dietetic school and once I had children, I fully appreciated the challenge of living this out. However, my 5 year old, Hannah, is living proof that this works. She is now at a point where she loves all different kinds of foods and will try almost anything. My 2 year old, Evan, is still learning to "trust" different foods. But I continue to serve him everything, and I am much more confident in the process with him. He is slowly adding foods as he watches me, my husband and his sister enjoy the variety on our plates. It works!

By the way, Ellyn Satter is a dietitian and social worker that is an expert in child feeding. She's got a ton of free information on her website and has written many books on the subject. Check her out!

One last note about children and eating --> I re-discovered a book on my office bookshelf entitled, "The Healthy Luncbox: How to Plan, Prepare & Pack Stress-Free Meals Kids Will Love." It's a great book for parents looking to revamp their kid's school lunches! I got some ideas for Hannah's lunch and am excited to fix them.